


Get Out There Mr B

by Mechabot



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon), Kim Possible - Fandom
Genre: 18+ lairs, Fluff, Furries, Hero Villain Relationships, Humor, M/M, Online Dating, relationships, teen heros, wht do I tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23963113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mechabot/pseuds/Mechabot
Summary: Mr Berkins online dating adventures, how do you tell your lover about your monkey man genetics?? after rewatching some of the episodes this is all I could think about.
Relationships: Monkey Fist/Mr Barkin, Mr Barkin/MonkeyFist
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its five AM and this made me laugh my butt off so enjoy dfhsjjjjkl

Mr Barkin took a sip of the mug of coffee in his hand he sat in his satin robe, the sun rising in the large bay window. “How’s the coffee Steve?” asked a tall dark hairy man. “I have to say you make a mean cup of joe, its tart, fruity and somehow dark in its after taste.” 

“Yes, it's a special favorite of mine from the east, I grew a taste for it during my travels, I’d thought you’d enjoy it.” 

“Well it's nice to try more worldly things, I can’t remember the last time I got out of Middleton. I admit I was nervous about the whole internet dating scene, but this has been so… nice.” Steve smiled, taking another sip from his mug. “I completely agree I do enjoy our time together Steve, but… there's one thing I must admit I leave out of my tinder profile for a particular reason.” 

Mr Barkin felt his lips freeze on the rim of his coffee mug, no morning starts like this unless things are about to get weird. 

“You see…” he tore off a dark leather glove, “I have this!!11!!” his bare hands exposed, Mr Barkin stared at it, speechless. “Ah, your very hairy fists? Is that why you never take those things off? I just thought you were like a germaphobe or a big Elsa stand or whatever the kids are into.” Barkin took another sip. 

“Yes that. And THIS!” he rose his feet up into the air, his weight shifting to his very hairy hands to reveal equally so wiggling feet. 

“Monty, is there something you're trying to tell me?” Mr Barkin was beginning to feel a bit irate. 

“Fine Steve yes, first I want you to know I no longer mention it because it tends to attract a certain… ‘crowd’ so to say, I don’t much care for… you see you know me by my birth name Monty Fiske, but I’m also the genetically enhanced monkey man, a feared master of Monkey Kung-Fu, known as Monkey fist!” 

Barkin turned back to the window as he processed the news of his partner, face falling blank as a plank. He was after all a simple man… with a simple genetic and biological makeup to match. “I see…” he managed.

“More coffee deer?” Fist asked kindly. 

“Sure, so does that mean you-” Mr Barkin faltered as a set of opposable toes reached for his coffee mug and the other foot the pot, expertly pouring it before returning it to the table. He stared at it for a long while. “Thank…………………………………………………………..,..,,... you.”

“Your welcome babe, I hope this doesn't change anything between us. Everything has been going so well in the past few months.” 

“Well I-” at that moment a ring tone sounded. 

“Oh! One moment dear, must get that.” the monkey man scurried off, then just as quickly returned. “I’m sorry how terribly rude of me, you were saying steve.”

“...You’ve been getting a lot of calls this weekend, this wouldn’t have anything to do with... ‘this’ would it?” he motioned to the now revealed monkey appendages of the other man. 

“Well… um yes, I knew the game going into it, but once you start genetically altering your appendages you don’t exactly go back. Villainy is a full time job unfortunately, with the scheming, the backstabbing, plotting and a full on nemesis I admit things can be hectic from time to time, but I wanted to spend as much of this weekend with you steve.”

“Let me guess you're in the midst of one of those schemes right now?” Mr Barkin sighed.

“Currently? Yes. Yes I am.” 

“And your sworn nemesis is?”

“Kim possible.” Fist responded with a sneer and a clench of his hairy monkey fists.

“Ok, I should go-”

“Wait you can’t! Do you know how hard it is to give the genetic monkey man spiel to every single lover!? I promise the conveniences are amazing, not to mention the monkey minions! Think about it Steve all the monkey minions your heart desires!” Monkey Fist cried springing onto the table face to face with Mr Barkin, who leaned away in surprise. 

“Let me finish…” Barkin waited to make sure that he had the furries full attention. “I should go because Kim Possible is a student of mine and I assume she’s on her way here right now?”

“Well um, er, yes I suppose she most likely is. I guess it would be an inappropriate position to find a figure of authority in.” The primate man admitted becoming less defensive at the explanation, watching the other man walk back toward the bed room. 

“Oh and monty?” Barkin turned back.

“Yes Steve?”

“It's furries right? Why you keep it a secret.”

“Yeah.”

“But you're not?”

“No, it's purely for the purposes of honoring my devotion to Monkey kung-fu, and the convenience of opposable toes.” he crossed his arms now pouring his own cup of hot coffee showing off his expertise foot work. 

“Do the monkey minions work like a kid kinda thing or?”

“No, not particularly well.” 

“Alright, I’ll see you Wednesday for dinner at six Monty.”

“Perfect, till then my love.” the sound of glass shattered in a further room, a red light began to flash as a voice called out taunting the gay monkey man. It was time for Mr Barkin to leave, he was after all a simple man.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> teen hero's can't get into an 18+ lair

Kim and Ron hopped out of the truck bed of an old beat up pick up. “Thanks mister Hickabick for the ride!” Kim thanked him waving him off.

“No problem young lady, I was head’n this way into the city already, gotta keep the planet green and clean with car pooling!” 

“Wait…” Ron puzzled, “we didn’t do you like, a favore or something in advance?”

“um...nope.” 

“We didn’t like rescue you from a blue mad scientist or like a… mud pie landslide or anything like that?”

“Oh yeah Ron, that does seem odd.” kim chimed.

“Being green is favore enough, weirdos.” the farmer drove off with a screech of his tires. 

“Well alright then.” kim crossed her arms. “Ok Let's find a way inside and figure out what Professor Dementor is up to with all that black market leather stalk.” 

“And where talk’n Full-Grain top tear stuff baby, maybe he’s planning the world's largest leather biker gang?"

“Sure Ron...”

They both eyed the front door, a large man leaned next to it. “Come on.” Kim urged, merging with another oncoming group dressed in odd costumes and masks. 

“Hay not so fast!” the large man stuck out his hands blocking the two teens, “ You got any ID’s?”

“ID’s? Like a Villains License, do they have those?” Ron clapped back. 

“No one under 18 alowed, ID’s or you stay out here, understand.” 

“ID’s?” kim pulled Ron off to the side. “Professor Dementor new layer is 18+? So not Fair!”

“I guess so, it's kinda genius when you think about it. He’s got us there. She can do anything, except get past that little checkbox on the web page I dare not go.” Ron shrugged.

“Well then we think outside the checkbox Ron, we can still sneak in.”

“Yeah but… do we want to Kim?”

“I, ah-”

“All I know is it's a dark sweaty building filled to the brim with top grade leather and skimpy dressed up strangers with an 18+ age bar, honestly I don’t know if I wanna know what Professor Dementor got cooking up in there.” Ron, argued eyes darting back to the buff bouncer still leering at them from besides the door. 

“Ahh, good point there! but we have to be sure Professor Dementor not up to anything evil that could hurt someone.”

“Hay! Wait a tick isn’t that Mr Barkin? Right there across the street?” 

“Oh my gosh Ron it is, wow weird, but pretty sure he’s over 18.”

“By about fifty years or so, yeah! And maybe even you know into the leather scene? 

“Don’t think that’s relevant Ron.”

“Hay Mr B, its us Ron Stoppable and Kim possible we need your help!” Ron raced across the street.

“I’m sorry, explain to me again what exactly you want from me Stoppable.” Mr B scowled.

“Mr Barkin, ah, listen I know this is kinda unorthodox but we really need your assistance on this mission.” Kim medated.

“Your 18+ assistance.” Ron added.

“Ugh.”

Mr Barkin stared at the flashing neon sign and sexy costumed strangers entering it. “Yeah I’m pretty sure I just saw someone's assless chaps, I’m just gonna head out, besides I’m seeing someone anyway.”

Ron waved his hands “ Mr B this is strictly saving the world business! And if me and kim were maturaly ready enough, we would go in ourselves, but thats the problem with being a teen superhero.” 

“We just need you to get into Dementors place and find out if hes up to anything evil. Also maybe locate a football field of black market leather.” Kim added.

“ah…. Alright fine. but you two tell no one. Are we understood?” Barkin warned. 

“Yep.”

“Totally!”

Steve began to walk over toward the scummy looking building. “Teen heros.” he grumbled Looking back at the two students across the streets before passing through the entrances. 

Inside didn’t make things much better, eyes followed him through long hallways and dark musky smelling rooms, not wanting to stay in one place for too long. The attention may have been him wearing the most amount of clothes in the entire establishment. There were smiles and winks, a licking of the lips. Mr Berkin shuddered, trying to cover as much of the place as possible. If he didn’t see anything evil that was good enough. Everything began smelling like pure vanilla.

Mr Berkin came upon a large door, it seemed rather important and most people where becoming distracted by now. Mostly with each other, it was probably best for the teen hero’s stay out of this adventure. He backed up discreetly opening the door in a quick backwards motion and slipping in with out notice. It was low lit like the rest of the place, a cushy room filled with pillows and candles, filed to the brim with, “The black market leather”, he touched one of the hanging leather pieces on the wall “Full-Grain.” he confirmed. The walls were covered in it, whips, maskes, clothing and so many more things he hadn’t the slightest idea what to even call. 

He began to back out toward the door once again, but insted of hitting the wood his back hit against something large…. and also leather. “Um, excuse me.” Mr B stumled.

“Ah and who is this, you're a little early I’m afraid for the-main event.” a small man stepped out from the other side of the room, with only a helmet and a very small thong, Berkin almost ran back into the chest of the man behind him again. 

“um, i take it one of you is this professor Dememtor everyones talking about?” He didn’t like the way the words' main event was spoken. 

“I suppose that would be I, you're a bit overdressed for the occasion my friend.” smirked the man. 

“Well I really wan’t planning on staying.. To long… I was just leaving-” the tall man behind him made a much better wall then a window or more useful a door. 

“Nonsense come sit! I’m quite interested in getting to know you Mr Steve Berkin.” This was going nothing like he had planned… 

Kim was trudging through the air vent, she had convinced Ron that she was going to be cramming for there history test in third period, but in reality- “ooff!” she colided with somthing from around the corner, a Ron somthing actually. 

“Kim!?”

“Ron!?”

“Kp I thought you where studying for our geology test?“

“History Ron, and I thought we agreed we didn’t want anything to do with Professor Dementor's 18+ lair or what ever?"

"What I got curious."

"... OK me to." 

"Wait, is that Mr Barkin with Professor Dementor?"

"And the black market leather Ron."

"Man they look cozy, I could have sworn he said he was seeing someone, but good for him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find out what happens next?? :000

**Author's Note:**

> Just seemed like the perfect dumb idea to make me smile, and it was :')


End file.
